Long Overdue Update...sort of

Wow! I can't believe it has been so long since I have blogged. I really need to keep up with it. So much has changed since I last blogged. My daughters are older and my husband and I are older...but we'll save that update for another time. Today I wanted to post something I put on my facebook in regards to a chain of events this past year.....a change that was made because of the choices and near choices of others in my life that I have fault in. The only part I have played is standing up for myself and protecting my litttle family where needed. I am not perfect, I know I stooped to their levels by name calling. But some of those pointing fingers my way and blaming me for it all have made me so angry at times that I just let it rip when I told them what I thought of them. Thankfully someone very close to me has made difficult decisions so that in the end he shows the rest of them that he chooses me will not stand by and watch the rest try and play games to destroy me and us. And with that said here is what I posted on facebook......

Thoughts

They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I’m not sure that is true.

Nearly a year ago I was dealt a huge blow by someone very close to me. I am very selective in who I share details with for various reasons. But so much as happened since that day….so much I have learned.

1)      I have learned who true friends are. People I thought of as friends before this all happened turned out not to be friends after all. In looking back there was always some kind of tension but I brushed it off. In the end I was treated by these particular friends as if the whole thing was my fault and/or that I didn’t belong in the equation at all. When they tried to take it to my facebook page, friends we don’t have in common sided with them. That was hurtful and I realized that I don’t need negative in my life. If you aren’t going to come to me privately and ask what is going on or if you are going to judge without finding out why these other “friends” are saying these things then I don’t want you as a friend. Still it was a hard to lose these people as friends in the way that I did. There is so much more I can say here but really to be counted as a true friend, you do NOT do the things you did or almost did to us and then think you can still be counted as a friend…..EVER.

2)      I have learned that hearts and trust can get broken in ways I never thought possible. Because of the choices others made or almost made, my heart was broken a thousand times over and trust in someone close to me was lost. My heart is slowly mending and my trust is slowly growing back but it is because two people who love each other very much are working together to help me regain that trust and to heal my heart. There is a scripture about faith without works being dead. Well a relationship without communication can die as well and through all of this I am learning to communicate better and to work at my relationships. I cut my losses when I see it is one sided. It used to take a lot to get me to that point. I’m not sure if this is good or bad, maybe both depending on the situation. However now I cut losses as it comes. If it isn’t a two-way street and I know I have given all I can then I cut the losses and move on. I am just at a point in my life where I want to be surrounded by the positive, not the negative and if someone is bringing me down then I prefer not to have them as part of my inner circle to rely on during my hardest times.

3)      I have learned that I will fight with all my might for those I love even when others around me are telling me that it is a losing battle or that I have no say in the decisions that person makes. I have also learned that I will fight until the bitter end for anyone who wants to come between the ones I love dearly and myself….esp if it people who are trying to come between my spouse and I and involves their attempts to destroy my family.

4)      I have learned to look for positives in my life. I’ve always struggled with day to day things. One wrong thing in my day and I’m a mess. I am a person who finds the need to vent…..in real life and in social forums. I try not to say bad things about the people I vent about if at all possible if I vent about people….and if I have done so then I am sorry, it is something I rarely do. I just try and vent about why I find it frustrating at the moment. Sometimes I don’t even expect a response. Just a simple hug will do and I am fine again. But I find if I don’t vent at those moments then I explode to the person aggravating me and I’d rather not do that. But the more positives I look for on a daily basis then the less likely I am dwell on the negatives of my crazy life. Seriously love my pink clicker from www.billionclicks.org for this reason. I’ve learned that if a person can’t handle this part of me then maybe that person doesn’t need to be counted as a friend. I am who I am. This part of me is something I am working to better about myself but if isn’t going to go away over night or maybe at all. So if you can’t handle it and feel the need to judge me when I need to vent then walk yourself out of my life now.

5)      I am learning to “Let It Go!” I have always been one to dwell on the hurts caused by others. Forgiving others took a long time…if I ever reached that point because sometimes I didn’t. I’m now learning that it is okay to cry over the hurt, to talk it over with someone else, but to move on from there and just let it go and forgive. Am I still hurt by last years’ events? Yes! But have I learned to forgive those people. Most of them yes. I’m still struggling to forgive one last person but I only learned the full truth of that person’s involvement in it all recently (because I didn’t want to know at that time but needed to be told now) so the emotions are all fresh again and I just haven’t reached that point. I’ve also learned that depending on the person & situation that letting it go does not mean I have to let that person back into my life. It’s OKAY to let go of the hurt and pain caused by others, to forgive them for what they have done and then to choose NOT to have them as part of your life anymore.

6)      I am learning to rely on the Lord more and more. Well this is something I always did in life but I did go through some years where I didn’t fully rely on the Lord. I was slowly starting to do that and then last year happened and I had to turn to Him so many times that I am relearning this. He has never been far away, He’s always been there. I just had to turn to Him for strength, for guidance in forgiving those who have wronged me, for so many other things I deal with on a daily basis, the good and the bad. I am learning to feel Him more without kneeling down to pray. There have been some days I’m just feeling down and I feel like I’m going to cry and I can feel His loving arm around me like a hug and can almost hear Him say “My child it is going to be okay.”

I could go on but these are the most important things I want to share with others. Did last years’ chain of events kill me? No, not even on my worst days when I thought it would. Am I stronger through all this? I don’t know. I do know though that I have changed through it all and because I know myself better than others know me, I can say that mostly I have for the positive. Am I ready to fully share it all? No, not yet. I’m still guarded in who I choose to share it with. I will say that if you want to know more come to me privately please. If I choose to share then I will, if not I will let you know why I choose not to and I ask that you respect my choice not to share with you at this time. The one thing I do ask of all…..esp those that are praying people…. please keep me in prayers that I will learn to forgive all who were hell bent on hurting me and who continue to keep hurting me.

And if you have read this all the way through, I thank you. I know I am long winded at times, always have, always will be. Us quiet people have so many thoughts waiting to get out at times and when they do look out! J

Update and News

 

 

 

Wow! I can't believe how long it's been since I blogged. I totally missed blogging about Laura's birthday. She turned 5 in November. I didn't take many pictures though. I was too busy hosting our first friend party that got moved indoors because it rained the night before and everything was wet outside. That was an adventure and one I never plan to repeat. haha! It was a whirlwind of a few months. Laura gave us a run for our money.....who am I kidding, she still does. We are currently seeking out professional help and it looks like ADHD. Through all this I'm learning that it is highly probable that I have ADD. And let us not forget Katelyn and her being on the autism spectrum. Poor Clark, between all of us I'm surprised he sticks around. He must really love us. :)   School will be starting soon. Katelyn will be in 4th grade and Laura by the sheer fact that she does so well academically will be in 1st grade. It was iffy for a while if she would repeat kinder but her teacher and I felt she'd be too bored and the negative behaviors due to the ADHD could become worse if held back. So on she goes. But the 1st grade teachers have been warned. haha!

 

Now let's see. Our biggest news of all. We bought a house! Our first real home. (for my long term friends you might remember we owned a mobile home at one time) The most hilarious part is that it is 2 houses down from the house we've rented for the last 6 years. So after a year and a half of looking, losing an agent, being out bid, having games played when we did get a bid accepted, and then deciding to wait a while, we end up getting a house just 2 houses away. And it feels right. We walked in and just knew it was ours. So let the packing beginning!

 

The home is move in ready. We just need to put our own stamp on it. First order of business: We promised Katelyn (who will be 10 in a few short months), a room makeover. She needs a new bed anyhow and we also told the girls they can each have their own room again. (been sharing since December and for a few months they've hated it) Since Katelyn is growing up and isn't playing with toys as much anymore we promised her this. I'm starting with bedding. Whichever is decided on will be what I base wall color and accent pieces on. However she's got so many favorites and even I can't decide so I'm asking everyone I know......family, facebook friends, and blog readers. Of course I know some of you are included in more than one category so if you'd already place a vote no need to do it here. Please leave a comment with the number of your favorite selection. I'm giving it a week to collect votes and then I'll tally them and announce which one was the winner and I'll post that. Thanks!

 

Oh and this will all be a surprise. She requested that. She doesn't want to see anything til it's all painted and decorated. I can't wait to escrow closes and we get the keys in our hot little hands. It'll be right around the time school starts and I can go in and paint while the girls are in school.

 

 

A view of her room from the door. The wall to left is where the bed will be and the wall between that and the window wall is where the closet and an a small alcove is. Not sure yet what to do with the alcove. A wardrobe and bookcase but do I want to buy them or have it custom made. Need to do this because closet is way too small even for a child.

#1

#2



#3



#4



#5



#6



#7



#8

 So now that you've seen all 8 choices......comment with your selection or selections. :)

It seems as if in the last year all I ever say is that I'll keep up with the blog. But then I fall behind. It seems as if just yesterday I was posting birthday videos of the girls and yet another year has come and gone. Yet here I am posting about their birthdays again. It's that time of year. This week we celebrated Katelyn's 9th birthday. Typically we aren't the party type of family. However since little sister wants to have a party this year, we wanted to do something special for Katelyn as well. How perfect was it that today was a student free day for their school district......

Today Katelyn and I got all prettied up.

Then we picked up 4 of her equally prettied up friends.

We headed to a nail salon where the girls got their nails painted and I got a basic manicure.

Then we drove into downtown Long Beach where we ate cupcakes at a place called Frosted Cupcakery.

 

It's was a pretty interesting afternoon. If you've ever been around girls of that age you know they are giggly and loud and silly. They say the most hilarious things. Some of the most memorable:

1) While at the nail salon a man came with his wife. He got a pedicure while she got a manicure. The girls noticed this and it had them all giggling. One says something to the effect of "Oh look! A man getting his toe nails done! He must be a girly guy!" One of the other girls says "No he's not. He's with his wife. He's just wupped!" Had the hole place laughing even the couple that came in.

2) In the car they pretended they were zombies taking over my driving. That was a laugh a minute.

3) While at a stop light a couple came jogging towards us. The man had no shirt. All the girls shrieked in horror. "Ewwww!" One hollers "He's coming my way! I'm gonna be blinded!" Another yells "I'm gonna be scarred for life!" A third says "That's just wrong! Put a shirt on man!" The rest of us were just laughing hysterically at the comments flying.

It pretty much went like this the whole day. At the cupcake place quite a few people told me how fun it was to get cupcakes today cause they had fun listening to my group of gals. We had two groups of college aged kids there and a couple of older women as well when we were in and each group said the same thing. Even the workers got a kick out of these girls.

I really enjoyed my time with them. I'm so glad I had the idea to do this for Katelyn.

Happy Birthday my sweet! I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did!



Some Friends Are Angels.....

When Katelyn was 4, she began taking speech therapy. At first she was the only one in her time slot but soon another little girl joined the therapy sessions. Katelyn and Allison became fast friends. The mom and I got along great too. We even learned we were both LDS just in different stakes. In 2008 there were boundary line changes and our section of our former ward/stake got transferred over to Cerritos 1st Ward. Our first Sunday, to our delight, was Allison and her family. Katelyn was greeted with a big hug from her old friend even though we hadn't seen her in more than a year. It sure made attending a new ward so much easier for a child who has trouble with adjusting to new things.

Yesterday we got the news no parent wants to hear....even when the child isn't your own....Allison passed away in her sleep Sometime in the wee hours of Thursday night/Friday morning. At this time cause unknown. The first thing I did was hug my daughters tighter as I burst into tears. We were on our way out the door for the Cerritos Stake mother-daughter campout and Katelyn was excited to go and play with friends. She was esp looking forward to seeing Allison. She's the kind of child who would hound me forever asking where her friend was so I had to sit her down and explain to her. Now she's handling it as best as can be for a child on the autism spectrum. She grasps it on some level but her grieving process, I realized after she dealt with the loss of another friend's mother earlier this year, is completely different than normal developed kids. But I can still tell this is tough on her.

I'm struggling with it more. I have so many emotions running through my head. Why them? Not that I want it to be me....but why am I so blessed to still have my two children to hug? What if it were me in the same shoes? And this is just to name a few. As parents we all have the idea at the back of our mind that we will go before our kids. None of us ever expects our kids to go before us. And then in the blink of an eye, one little girl is taken from her earthly parents to return again to her heavenly parents. Right now there is comfort in knowing that Allison had such a desire to do the Lord's will in her short 8 years on this earth...even to having her family leave a local amusement park early so she could go to her baptism interview when the bishop called while they were having a family outing. We weren't able to make it, the aforementionned little girl who lost her mom was also baptized the same day. But I know how excited Allison was and I know it was a special day with family and friends and sharing the day with two cousins who were also baptized that same day. I know there's a greater reason, one none of us can comprehend right now, as to why her time on earth short and why it happened without warning. Thankfully we can rely on the Lord to comfort us and heal our aching hearts.

Katelyn told me on the way home from the campout that she wanted to do something special. She brought up the subject all by herself. She said she wanted to take the picture she has with Allison (the one seen above) and get copies of it made. One photo will be for Allison's family. She's going to write down all her memories of Allison to include with the photo. I told her I'd help her do that and we'll make a scrapbook page out of it. The other photo she wants me to put in a frame and she wants me to write or paint "Some friends are angels, Some angels are friends" on it. With tears rolling down my face I said we could definitely do both of those things together.

If I could pass anything on to my girls so that they'll remember Allison it would this: Always keep a smile on your face. Live life to its fullest. Never be afraid to try anything. (if Allison had fears, I never knew them) Love your sister. (Allison was such a wonderful big sister and you could tell the love her little sisters had for her) And above all to follow the teachings of Heavenly Father.

We love you and miss you Allison.

"Some friends are angels......some angels are friends."

Adventures in Ice Skating

There was a family night ice skating party at a local rink hosted by another troop. For most events I take Katelyn and Clark will stay home with Laura. But I figured since Clark knows how to ice skate that he could go and help with the girls and I and make it a true family experience along with being there with others in our troop. Here are the girls before they got on the ice. I was too shakey in skates so I didn't get any of them actually on the ice. And then I was too shakey after to take any more pictures.

For the record...Laura went out for about 15 minutes with daddy and big sister. Then she fell hard on her butt and decided that was it, no more. Katelyn was off and on the ice all night. She loved it even though she fell a lot. She told me later that she just got right back up and wasn't going to let the ice win. Yeah Katelyn! Clark only ate the ice once........right after he helped me finally get onto the ice. Other than that he skated quite a bit and didn't even need to hug the wall.

And then there's me...the mommy...the writer of this blog. Let's just say I'm kind of glad there are no picture even if they would have provided everyone with a laugh.

I got my skates on, stood up, took two steps and down I went. Yep, before I even got to the ice, before I even left the room where they hand out the skates. Yeah that bad. And then I made it to the doorway and down I went again. I ended up crawling on my knees to a bench and then waited til my family skated a bit. Finally Clark came out (when Laura fell and decided no more) and he and another mom (thank you Stacie!) walked me to the wall of the rink. With Clark's help, I slowly made my way to the ice. Slowly is the key word there.

I got onto the ice, grabbed the wall and hung on for dear life. I started sweating and not just my face. I sweated down to my toes. And I was shaking. I fell twice before getting on the ice, I didn't want to eat the ice...or break it. I slowly pushed myself along. I noticed that I kept getting kids stuck behind me...a regular traffic jam on ice. While laughing, I'd sarcastically say "I'm not letting of the wall. I'll stop, you all can go around me. Feel free to grab onto me as you go around if you need to. But I'm not letting go of the wall!" One, maybe two kids at a time would choose to hold onto me. Braver kids would skate around my big butt before grabbing the wall again and would triumphantly shout, "I did it! I got around you without falling!" Yeah, yeah, smart mouthed kids. haha! Every now and then a girl from our troop would skate past me "Hi miss Kathryn, I'm skating better than you!" I'd say "Cool, now shut up and keep skating you brat." And off they'd go laughing at me. Now I hadn't made it very far compared to most but it was a work out when you are unsteady, scared, and well....fat....and about the time I saw an exit from the ice about 1/4 of the way around I was ready to collapse. I saw some moms and said "open....door....fast...please!" I guess I looked white as a ghost at this point. The door was open and I literally fell to my knees. I was shaking so hard I could barely get up to sit on the bench to take off my skates. One of the moms in our troop ran over to see if I was okay. I had her go get my wallet and buy me a bottled water...fast.

Even now I'm still a bit shakey from it. But the important this is that I didn't let my fears take over. I could have given up and not even gotten on the ice after falling twice before even getting on. But I didn't. I got out there and did. I may have only made it a quarter of the way around but I did it! I did it!

And for the record.....Stacie, your sister is still a witch for making it all the way around. hahahaha!

Katelyn's Baptism....January 2010

I'm FINALLY blogging about this. The hold up was computer issues. First my computer died. I was sharing with Katelyn. Then her computer died. So we were both sharing with Laura. I didn't want to load my camera softward on Laura's computer so I waited for my computer techy husband to fix mine. And I waited and waited. He finally got around to it and I kept hoping he'd go to the old one and transfer things over but he still hasn't done that. So I finally decided to load the software again. Then I couldn't find it. Finally found it today. Woohoo! So here is our long over due blog about Katelyn's baptism.

Katelyn turned 8 in November. But due to family member's prior committments we in December we decided to wait til January to have the baptism. What a nice way to ring in the new year!

Katelyn doesn't have a lot of extended family but she knew right away who she wanted to participate in the confirmation circle. Her daddy baptized her. Her papa Rick confirmed her. Participating in the confirmation was her daddy, papa Rick, papa John, Aaron Skinner (who we knew in the Los Al Ward/Long Beach East Stake), Eric Hayhurst (another friend from the Los Al Ward), Thad Marcroft, Robert Magalogo, Brother Hall (drawing a blank on his first name, LOL!), and Brother Jolley (our home teacher). I keep thinking I'm forgetting someone but maybe not. Most came with their families and a few others came to support her as well. The Dyers and Sis. Miller, The Cox family, my mom and grandma, my sister-in-law Kathy, the Rydman's. It was wonderful of everyone to be there and show their support and it really made Katelyn's day.

Here as some pictures for your enjoyment. The dress Katelyn is wearing was made by neighbor for me when I was 8 and ready to be baptized. Even as a young child I knew what I special dress it was because it was made by someone not of our faith but who understood what an important day it was for me and wanted to do something special for me. I have held onto it all these years....with it being worn by my sister but then going right back into my possession....in hopes of having a daughter to wear it one day. Interestingly I've been blessed with two daughters. But it was awesome to see my eldest daughter wearing the dress and telling her the story behind it.

Katelyn and Clark

Me, Laura, Katelyn and Clark

Sisters.......I gave up after these two photos....look at their eyes in each, they took turns closing eyes and I figured it was a lost battle at that point, haha!

Katelyn on her special day. I love how glowingly happy she is!

Making Tough Decisions

First, sorry about no photos yet. Still sharing Laura's computer. But mine is almost up and going again so soon I promise.

Second.....I'm pouring my heart out because I'm very hurt, angry, and upset over things I don't know why are happening in recent months. And because nobody in my family is adult enough to tell me why they are doing what they are doing, I am having to make some tough decisions for me and my girls....decisions that will also hurt others indirectly even though they know why I am doing this. I'm sharing these things not because I hope the people who need to read them will see it because chances are they won't. I'm sharing these things so that others can keep me, my girls and my mom in your prayers.

So some of you readers know that I have never had a close relationship with my brother. It stems from childhood and my undiagnosed hormonal imbalances that caused rage and the rage was directed at Richard and I hurt him physically and emotionally. I've said it before and I'll say it again.....I've apologized many times and I won't spend the rest of my life apologizing. It is what it is. Yes I still am quick to anger but the rage is not there and yes there is a difference between rage and anger...a big difference. And I'm not the same person I was during those years. But yet time and time again despite being told by Richard and my parents that he's moved on and forgiven me of that, things happen that prove otherwise. For example, as long as I'm not around his wife has no problem being around the rest of the family. The times we are together she puts on such a fake act of being nice that we all can see it. The rare times we do see them, my brother will say in front of my girls "we'll get together so the kids can play more." Never happens and I'm left with "why didn't he call?" I don't bother calling cause what is the point. The times I have called for things....like trying to plan a Christmas meet up at my place so they didn't have to drive all the way to mom and dad's nobody ever called me back. I even e-mailed and no response. Katelyn recently wanted to call Richard about buying Girl Scout cookies. I was going to call and then turn the phone over to her once I got him on the phone so she could make the sale. Just got voice mail...twice. Both times no call back. Sent an e-mail about it, no response. A few weeks later my troop leader and I are trying to figure out booth sales and one of our choices was down near where my brother lives. After a bad experience with nut sales, we wanted a better area. So I needed to know what the area was like down that way. I called and e-mailed....again no responses. Actions speak louder than words. It's clear he doesn't want me in his life but he's not man enough to come out and tell me and tell me the truth as to why. As far as I know as an adult I've done nothing to him, absolutely nothing. Yet from him I get broken promises to my kids and an 8 yr old daughter who has asked for 4 yrs straight why uncle Richard doesn't call to wish her a happy birthday. So fine, he doesn't want me in his life, I'll accept that.....I'm done trying. From now on I'll be making sure if I go out to mom and dad's that I'm not going out there when my brother's family is. Maybe that way they will actually get to see their other granddaughters more often.

The other decision I just had to make was to cut my sister out of my life. I'm the most hurt by her as I really cannot tell you what I've done to her at all. We are 10 years apart, we do have very different personalities. I don't like the decisions she has made over the years but they are hers and as long as she seems happy I've been happy for her. All I've asked of her is to respect me in the same way. My decisions in how I live my life, how I parent my kids, are mine and my husband's alone and as long as I'm happy she should be happy for me as well. Instead I've had her cross the line when it comes to one of my children on a few occasions....first time I heard she drove my daughter to a friends house where they had drinks and then drove back to my parents house. I don't care if it's one drink, that's my child in that car, not hers. But we cut her some slack cause she was young and stupid. Then she crossed the line again when she told Katelyn her opinions on prop 8, things a 6 year old (at the time) didn't need to know. All we told her was that a yes vote meant a stand for traditional marriages. She's too young to have to explain same sex marriages. Thanks to my sister, who thought she was hilarious when she told our young child, Katelyn suddenly had tons of questions that year about same sex couples. I don't remember what the 3rd thing was but it wasn't long after this particular incident. I was wanting to cut her off then. But Clark said that would just hurt my mom and the girls and I should think about it first. Since Sharla lives in Vegas I decided that maybe he was right, it's not like we see her often anyhow. Just when we did see her we didn't let Katelyn go off for drives or walks with her, we were more guarded.

One hard thing in this is that Laura is always left out. Sharla only has eyes for Katelyn. So often Laura practically has to stand on her head to get aunt Sharla's attention. My mom tried talking to Sharla once about it I hear. Sharla just laughed it off. So we always try and keep Laura happy when she's sad cause she's ignored. Interesting is that just last fall we were on a whirlwind trip to Utah and back and even though we wanted to head straight home, we took the effort to stop in Vegas and go to dinner with Sharla and Paul. Things seemed fine then. She didn't give off any clues that she was trying to cut me out of her life. None whatsoever. Something happened during that visit though.......at dinner Sharla had both girls sitting with her...one on one side, one on the other side. Clark and I were across the table. Once again Sharla was completely ignoring Laura. Sharla was playing tic-tac-toe with Katelyn, Laura wanted a turn too. She kept getting put off. Uncle Paul tried playing with her...nope she wanted aunt Sharla. Clark and I tried....nope, she wanted Sharla. I even said "Hey, Katelyn's had enough, it's Laura's turn" and I was told she needs to learn to wait. And before we could stop her, Laura took a crayon and made a line on Sharla's white sweater to get her attention. It was dealt with right away. I handed a tide pen to Sharla to pre-treat it and then headed to the restroom to deal with Laura. Nothing more was said of the incident.

Then one about a month, month and a half after seeing them in Vegas, I get a call from Sharla. I thought it was a friendly call thanking me for the birthday cards we'd sent. Nope, she goes on to make a slew of false accusations about my husband....who has NEVER done a thing to her. He's never been anything but kind to her.....even when she and I got into a verbal argument during the time we lived with mom and dad briefly (the time I was pregnant with Laura)...an argument which ended in Sharla coming at me swinging and I had to fight back to protect myself and my unborn baby until dad and Clark separated us. Not even then did he say anything bad about her, not even then. And yet here she was saying all this unfounded stuff and even comment she made I told her how off base she was and set her straight on her way of thinking about him.....let's see big example was she thought that he couldn't keep a good paying job and pay our bills when in reality he makes triple what her husband makes. Then she tried saying my kids are growing up in a bad area. Okay so we choose to rent and probably will for a few more years. But we are in a good neighborhood with a good school. She's only been to the house two maybe 3 times and has no idea what the school is like and yet she's making comments like that. Whatever.

The clincher was when she was getting nowhere on supposedly what a horrible husband I have that she decided to attack one of my children instead. I'll never ever forgot the next words "Well at least I don't have a child who is a spoiled brat and gets away with everything." Okay neither of my children are easy. Katelyn we learned the reason for many of her behaviors is her being on the autism spectrum and Laura well she's got many of our bad traits rolled into one....quick witted, independant, stubborn, short fused, and rage at times. And so parenting them can be difficult. But neither one of them is spoiled. They both get dealt with accordingly as needed. Sharla went on to try and say something regarding the sweater and I reminded her that it was dealt with that night so there was no reason bringing that up, it was done and over with. Sharla wanted to keep on the verbal round. I lost my temper and called her a witch with a b....yeah not cool but I was angry at this point...and hung up on her.

Since then I've kept my distance. For a few weeks after I wouldn't even answer her calls...not even when I knew she was calling to wish my girls happy birthday. I was still too angry to deal with her. I did answer the phone when she called to tell me she's having a baby boy. I knew from my mom that the ultrasound was that day and I know what it was like expecting and wanting to share with everyone when we found out what the sex of the baby would be. But I kept the call short and let her tell the girls. Since then we haven't talked, not once. I did notice she was on facebook and tried to add her as a friend but she denied me and then told my mom that the reason was "cause I don't want her stalking Richard." Hello when have I ever done that?! Lame reason not to add me.

I really don't understand her sudden about face when it comes to me and my family. But it has all come to a head. See I did tell my mom about that phone call. My mom even let her know how off base she was and that she should apologize. Well Sharla made some rude comments on something I posted on my mom's facebook wall and let her have it after she was rude to my mom there as well...because mom stood up for me. In the course of the exchanges I said she needed to apologize for those things she said and she says she doesn't that she was not wrong about the things she said. And I said that was it, that is why she's no longer part of our lives and I hope she's happy with how hurt my kids are. She said she was happy that she cut me out of her life but Katelyn will know the truth that I made the final decision.....nothing about Laura. I told her that actually I told her the truth...that aunt Sharla said really mean and hurtful things about Clark and Laura that aren't true and that Sharla can't respect me and because of this should not be part of our lives. If Sharla admits she's in the wrong and apologizes and starts showing my girls equal amounts of attention then and only then will she be allowed in our lives again. Until then no.

Yes I made this decision. In some ways it feels right. I don't want the negativity and anti-religious/Mormon influences around my children. But in other ways it feels so wrong. I'm left feeling confused because nobody can give me a straight answer as to why I'm being treated this way....as usual it's always turned around to me being the evil one and it's all my fault and she did nothing wrong. So I'm left hurt and confused because I don't know what truly led to this, I don't feel this was the real reason she started cutting me off, I feel it is something else and she's not telling me. And I'm left with my mom who is hurt that two of her children want nothing to do with the other and who aren't telling her why while dealing with me who is emotionally upset over all this. And I'm left with having to explain to my kids, esp Katelyn, time and time again why we can't call aunt Sharla and why will never see her again.

Please keep our family in your prayers. In the long run this may all be for the best. But right now there are lots of hurt hearts that need healing.

Long time no blog

Some of you, my faithful readers, may wonder where I've been. Partly Facebook is to blame. I easily get caught up there. I had to stop playing a bunch of games due that very reason. The other reasons...or excuses depending on how you look at it....are as follows:

1) Since November our family has battled 3 bouts of the regular influenza. No oinking here, just lots of sniffling and complaining about not feeling well. The first two rounds just the girls and I got sick. The most recent round all 4 of us got sick. It started with Laura on Christmas Eve, then onto Clark and Katelyn on Christmas no less, and finally I came down with it the day after. We were all pretty much sleeping or just not well enough for the kids to fight. We sat around watching or sleeping through movies we got for Christmas. Then just as we started to feel better, 3 of us had sinus infections. Clark and Katelyn were so sick from those and it was just days away from Katelyn's baptism. So we called our friend and our home teacher for a blessing and they were soon much better.

2) My computer decided to crash a couple of days before Christmas. Lovely. My computer tech husband can't even figure it out. So I'm having to share Katelyn's computer. My pictures and program are on my computer so until I find the disc to load onto hers I can't share any new pics. Grumble, grumble.

3) The holidays are just plain busy for us anyhow.

4) Katelyn was baptized January 2nd. It was a nice day and as soon as I get those pictures loaded onto this computer I'll blog all about her special day. I have one more desk drawer to go through still. Let's all hope it's in that one.

Hopefully I'll be back to blogging about our family again soon. Until then we hope all our friends and family are doing well.

Happy Birthday Laura!

Wow! It seems like only yesterday that I was sitting in the doctor's office with an almost 4 year Katelyn at my side and looking at a calendar as the doctor said "Here are the dates I have open for the c-section." He pointed to November 10th (Katelyn's birthday), November 17th, and November 24th (Thanksgiving that year). I said there was no way I wanted to be in the hospital on a liquid diet on Thanksgiving. Then I turned to Katelyn and said "Do you want a baby sister for your birthday?" With all the innocence of a child that age she said "No, I just want toys for my birthday." So the 17th it was. After my labor/delivery experience, I didn't want to go through that again so we chose a repeat c-section. Funny thing was that Laura was stubborn from the start....the doctor, nurses and staff in the non-stress test room were all certain she'd come on her own cause she was in position and kept dropping lower and lower. However the weekend before the c-section, she went and turned herself side ways breech with no hopes of turning her and so I would have had a c-section due to that. Not to mention that she took us totally by surprise with this pregnancy anyhow......we were between homes and living with my parents briefly and going to wait til we were settled into a new place when SURPRISE I find out I'm pregnant. Taking us by surprise and stubborn from the moment of conception....that's our Laura. Never a dull moment with her around and we wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy Birthday Tiny Toons! We love you!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Katelyn's 8!!!!

November 10, 2001 you came into our lives screaming and red faced, letting the world know how unhappy you were to leave your nice warm place. It's been a roller coaster ride ever since for both us and you. But through all the bumps along the way, the smooth spots speed us along. May the ride never end!

Happy 8th Birthday Princess Katelyn! We love you!

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Out With October, In With November

October was a busy month. It seemed to come and go so fast. Here are some of the things that have kept us busy last month.

We started off the month with a trip to Utah for Clark's mission reunion. See a previous blog entry on that if you haven't gotten a chance yet.

I love to read. A couple of days, Laura gave me a chance to read while she played in her room quietly. They happened to cold and even one rainy day too. I thought I'd have uninterrupted reading time. But one of our cat's Al had other ideas.

October for us has meant a trip to PA's Pumpkin Patch in Long Beach for 4 years running now. We take our annual picture of the girls with the giant pumpkins. They ride their favorite rides. We take a few pics with the various cut outs. And we go home with at least 3 pumpkins.

Some of my friends and family know that we've been in the process of evaluating Katelyn for ADD and Autism. I was seeing lots of signs of ADD in Katelyn. Her IEP team felt she showed signs of autism during her triennial evals at the end of last year. We finally got the referral in late August through Kaiser and September and October meant various visits to one of Kaiser's psychologists who asked tons of questions and talked to her and looked at the IEP notes. Even up til the point that the psychologist said "autism", I still felt only ADD would be her diagnosis. I really didn't see her on the spectrum at all. Not that it would be a problem if she were, I have former ward members with kids on the spectrum, one of Katelyn's good friends has Asperger's, a good friend of mine has a son with Asperger's as well. But even though I know some things about it, I don't know alot and therefore just didn't see it. So you can imagine how shocked I was when the psychologist said "diagnosis.....autism spectrum."

It wasn't shock like "how horrible! not my child!" It was more of "how did we not see the signs sooner?!" type shock. Plus all the why's, if's, what now's running through my head. And that all spelled a day of emotions for me. I was at my breaking point of just needing to sit down and cry when there was a knock on the door. My good friend, the one whose son has Asperger's, was standing there with her son. We haven't talked in a while so she didn't know we were doing the evals. She said they were driving by and felt they needed to stop. She immediately knew something was wrong and I just melted. She totally set my mind at ease in the whole matter. She knows both my girls well enough and really helped me not to panic over the eval score (which said "severe autism"). Her son is 15 and he was able to set my mind at ease too. "Sister Raile, she's like me. Maybe not Asperger's. But she's high-functioning. And she has a mother for helping her through this as she gets older." Oh how I'm grateful for a Heavenly Father who was watching over me that day and sent these friends when I needed them the most.

Since then we've talked to the autism specialist who also explained a great deal to us and esp about where Katelyn lies on the spectrum and why nobody saw the signs sooner. She gave us some titles of books to read and a website to look at and signed us up for a monthly clinic that they have to help parents understand more about it.

The diagnosis doesn't change who Katelyn is. She's still the same child. The diagnosis will help us, her school teachers, her church teachers and family and close friends to understand her and help her be the best she can be throughout her life.

Amazingly the day after her diagnosis, while we were still in the whole why's, if, what now phase, her Girl Scout troop met with an older troop at the Cerritos City Hall. For their city hall meeting, which is televised for local residents, they got to say the Pledge of Allegience. The troop leader for the older girls asked if there was anyone who wanted to volunteer to say it. None of the other girls wanted to. Katelyn raised her hand and said "I'll do it!" I was outside with Laura so heard all this second hand. But her troop leader said she did great. Talk about one of those proud mommy moments. And a moment that made me see that she's going to go far even though she will have stumbling blocks along the way.

October also meant a trip to Disneyland for just Laura and I. She's been potty trained since April but suddenly started having accidents in September. Those lasted through October as well. Finally I had a heart-to-heart talk with her. I asked her what would help her stop having accidents. We talked about a sticker chart and what kind of reward she wanted. She liked none of my ideas. Finally she said "Disneyland, just you and me!" When I saw she'd gone 2 weeks with no accidents, I grabbed our passports. After taking Katelyn to school one morning we drove to Disneyland and spent a fun filled morning riding all her favorite rides, taking pictures with Mickey, and eating churros and ice cream for lunch before we had to head back home to pick up big sister from school.

Of course who can forget that Halloween is in October. All that yummy candy! Here's our pumpkins before and after carving and our two little princesses.

And now we are into November. It kind of started out with a bang.....literally. Aside from Laura and I both being sick right now, I had one of those "I told you so" moments with Clark. See he's a decent driver though he does tend to speed. But he never seems to pay attention when parking or turning into parking lots. He's scraped my van more times than I can count and grunts and groans like a man if I get uppity with him over it. I always tell him that one day he's going to do some real damage and I'm going to say "I told you so." Well he was too busy eating Laura's fries from McD's since she doesn't eat them and he went to pull into the burger place down the street from our house. I saw the curb but not enough time to say anything and BOOM he goes over it. I cringed and he parked and we both got out to check tires. Yep, he'd popped one. The front passenger side. So bad that it was coming off the rim. I turned to him to say what I've always wanted to say and his face was so angry that all I could do was laugh hysterically. Of course he didn't find it funny. He didn't get mad though. Just said "I'm glad you find it funny." I have a feeling if I did say the other thing he'd have gotten mad though. Oh and of course I had to take a picture. haha!

So that was our crazy month of October and our start of November. How was yours?

We're Finished!

Friday morning started off great. Katelyn is so excited. She completed her goal of reading the Book of Mormon for the first time before her 8th birthday. I'm so proud of her for completing her goal even though she might not have understood much of what she read. But it's a start of learning to love the scriptures. And she's not stopping there. Nope....today we start her next goal....reading the Doctrine and Covenants and the Pearl of Great Price by the end of January. We're all set to go, I even have a chart I found to help us keep track of our reading. The best thing about this is that it has gotten me reading the scriptures again. I hate to admit it but I've been kind of lazy about the last couple of years. So not only am I reading with her, I'm doing my own scripture study as well.

Laura and I also finished reading her Book of Mormon Stories book for the 2nd time. So both girls will earn their little wooden plaque for reading the Book of Mormon this year. They are excited and I'm excited for them. Laura I'm a bit worried about though......she really loved reading anything about Jesus but she was equally excited with all the war stories. haha! What a crazy kid I tell ya! But it made reading with her fun that's for sure. We also will be starting the Doctrine and Covenants together. We have a story book for that too. Funny thing is that she thinks it's a race so she's always asking "where sissy at? where I at? yes! I'm winning!" or "darn it! Katelyn's winning!" Like I said...crazy kid. :)

Utah Trip October 2009

As you can see we took lots of pictures on our Utah trip. And these aren't even all of them. These are just the ones I chose for the blog to give you all a good idea of how the trip went. So here's the play-by-play of our weekend. But before you proceed, you might want to grab your favorite drink and/or a snack and sit down and relax. Yeah...it might get a little long. LOL!




Day 1, Thursday, Oct. 1......Left our home near Long Beach, CA at about 10:30 a.m. We decided to take the drive up in parts. Today we drove as far as St. George, Utah where we stayed with the Holliday's...a family Clark grew up with in West Covina. While there we got to visit with Anne and Rich who we thank very much for letting us stay the night with them. It was great to see them again! It's been way too long. We also got to visit with their son, daughter-in-law and grandson who also live there. The next morning we got to see their beautiful granddaughter, Hannah (their daughter Julie's little one). The girls got to sit in their son Jon's work vehicle. (Katelyn's says she wants to be a policewoman now thanks to that) And we got to see the gorgeous views from their home.

And I have to add a tidbit about potty breaks on the way up.....if any of you are familiar with this drive you'll laugh with me. Stop 1.....Barstow, CA for lunch at Bob's Big Boy and potty break. Stop 2.....Primm, Nevada for potty break at Wild Bill's casino (casino's = clean bathrooms normally). Both stops scheduled and esp with Primm, I figured that would last us all til St. George. Nope! 20 minutes up the road as we hit rush hour in Vegas, Laura says "Uh-oh, I gotta go NOW!" A quick call to my sis who lives in Vegas helps us with Stop 3.....Vegas, Palace Station hotel/casino, we don't have to even walk through the casino to use a restroom there, yeah! You'd think this would be out last stop. But nope. Getting close to Mesquite (don't ask me which state....could be Nevada, could be Arizona, not sure but it's between Vegas and St. George), Katelyn says, "Umm...I have to go potty." So we stop at a McDonald's in Mesquite and I run both girls in. 4 stops in a 2 hour time span. Sheesh!

Day 2, Friday, Oct. 2......Left St. George early afternoon and headed to our first stop, Provo Cementary. There we visited Colleen's grave (Clark's mom) and placed flowers in the vase. Laura insisted in getting a yellow flower. When asked why she said "Grandma told me she likes yellow flowers." She's never met Colleen, so kind of interesting that she'd say that. Esp since the next day upon telling this story to Colleen's sister Eloise, I learned that my mother-in-law always did love yellow flowers. Each of the girls took a turn placing a flower in the vase, then Clark, then me, and then Clark had a quiet moment with the girls and their grandma Colleen.

After placing the flower on Colleen's grave, we walked across the road to show the girls where their great-great-great-great grandfather (or is it 3 greats? I don't remember...and it's on my father-in-law Rick's side, that much I know) is buried. Those of you who have gone to BYU or have had a child go to BYU may know who Abraham Owen Smoot is. Well that's who my husband and daughters' ancestor is. Through the 5th wife......though Clark says 4th cause he hasn't read the book his parents gave us a few years back. But I could be wrong, since there's only 4 wives he's buried with. However I remember from the book that he had 5 wives but one decided she didn't want to be in a polygamous marriage anymore and left and she was like the 2nd or 3rd wife. So of course she wouldn't be buried with them. I'll have to ask my father-in-law to verify this for me.

Next we headed to Cedar Hills/Pleasant Grove to drop off our stuff where we were staying for 2 days. (our friends Haley and Seth Estrada....Haley's family are more West Covina people we know) Then headed over to our friends Doug and Charise Nowlin (also in Pleasant Grove) so they could watch our girls for us. (thanks guys, it was really appreciated and it was fun to visit and catch up as well!) We ate a quick dinner and then Clark and I changed and ran out the door for his mission reunion that was held in Orem. For those that don't know, he served in the Canada Winnipeg Mission 1991-1993. The reunion was to mark 15 yrs that his mission president has been home from that mission. The following are a few pics of the night:

The sign that was hung on the wall.

Raile, Merrill, and Miles......all 3 came from the Walnut, CA Stake. But were in different wards and different cities and never met til their mission. Clark from West Covina, Merrill from Hacienda Heights, and Miles from Walnut I believe.

A group shot of all the CWM alum who made it to the reunion. They spanned a great distance. One even came all the way from Ireland to attend the reunion.

Clark and I with President and Sister Christensen. Funny story......as we walked in Sis. Christensen handed us name tags and markers for our names and said if I served a mission too then to write that down under my name "because you never know you might run into at these things." As she walked away, Clark and I said to each other that it was doubtful I'd actually have this happen. Not 2 seconds later, the husband of one of the sisters from his mission goes "So what years did you serve?" Turns out he'd also served in my mission (Argentina Buenos Aires West) but we never came across each other. He served from 92-94 but in areas with no sisters and I was 93-95. So I guess Sis. Christensen was right. :)

Day 3, Saturday, Oct. 3......Woke up as early as our tired bodies would allow. Kind of had a rough night. The air mattress my parents lent us had a leak and by morning Clark and I were on the floor. Also Laura had 5 night terrors and I had to calm her each time. After getting showered and dressed we headed into Bountiful where our friends, the Mortensen's, fixed us a yummy breakfast and we got to visit with them a bit. Sorry we were so tired guys. We didn't plan on lack of sleep 2 nights running (in St. George neither girl slept well and Laura had 6 night terrors to boot, with Katelyn having 1 as well). But it was a nice visit and breakfast really was delicious. Oh and the girls tell me to let the ogre know they say hello...that was their favorite part. LOL! I had to take a picture of the front of their house. My dad and I have a thing for homes like this, esp if they have the huge porches.

Next we headed up to Willard to visit with Clark's aunts and uncles. We went to aunt Eloise and uncle Dale's house (Colleen's sister). Clark's cousin Mike and his family were there. Katelyn got along well with their daughter Lexie. They were born the same year. Also aunt Claudia and uncle Dean (one of Colleen's brothers) live up the hill and came down to visit as well. We had a yummy baked potato bar for lunch. As in Idaho potatoes. Eloise, Dale, Mike and Tiana and the kids had gone up to Idaho and picked potatoes off conveyor belts somewhere. That's about 2100 lbs of potatoes for $100. Eloise and Dale store them in their cellar and they last til June. Dale sent us home with a box. Look at the size of those taters. And they are delicious!

The girls got to ride the ATV's. Katelyn remembers riding them at the family reunion a few years back. So she was looking forward to that again. For Laura it was brand new. She fell in love with it. The first picture is them riding up in the hills with Mike. He said he could tell the girls have been to Disneyland a few times.....whenever he'd get really going they'd raise their arms and say "Wheeeeee!" haha! I rode up too....I hopped on the back while Clark drove one. I'm too chicken to ride one by myself. Esp up in the hills. So I sat behind Clark. Look at the views we had of the hills above Willard and of Willard Bay. Just stunning.

The girls found a love of basements on the trip. Each home we stayed in had a different type of basement. They esp loved Eloise and Dale's. They have a play room with a loft and toys for the kids. Katelyn and Laura just loved disappearing down there to play.

Day 4, Sunday, Oct 4.......The long drive home. We said good-bye to the Estrada family. Got a cute group picture of all the kids together. Haley and Seth, thanks for letting us crash at your place! It was greatly appreciated! Seeing you guys again and also Michael and his family (though just briefly) was nice.

Leaving did have a bit of drama. Or rather a comedy. I had showered and then helped Katelyn dress. While Laura slept and Clark showered, I decided to take a small load of stuff to the van. I noticed that it had rained during the night and some in the morning. The only ones up were Juliette, Dillon and Katelyn. They all saw me look out the window and heard me say that it was fine and I was going to run out and take some things to load up. Not 2 seconds of me opening the side van doors and the back, the heavens opened up and the rain came down. It started off light and I was covered by the van. But then WOOSH came the wind and snow flakes! And not lightly either. My only option....hop in the back of the van and shut it and wait it out. Oh but it's freezing. Duh I left the sides open. Close then and I'm snug as a bug in a rug...well sort of. It was still cold. I'm laughing at the timing of all this. It just figures my jacket was under the floor under the ice chest that I can't move from the back. So I sit and wait, wait and sit....watching the faces of 3 very worried children who are looking out the window of the house wondering where the heck I went and I just laugh even harder. Then it calmed down and jumped out and got my jacket fast. As I'm running back in 9 yr old Juliette is running out with her umbrella to rescue me. How sweet is that?! All 3 kids and I had a good laugh over it.

The kids hit it off. So well that Juliette wanted us to stay, "You know with this weather, I'd stay an extra day if I were you." Too cute. Here's a picture of all the kids together...

Juliette, almost 9 holding 8 month old Brent; Laura, almost 4; Katelyn, almost 8; Dillon, 5; Jack, 2 1/2......interesting tidbit: Juliette and Laura were both born November 17th but 5 years apart. Juliette was 6 lbs., 3 oz., 17 inches and Laura was 6 lbs, 4 oz., 17 1/2 inches.

A friend suggested we drive up one of the canyons to see the fall foliage. There was a lull in the rain so we drove up American Fork Canyon as it was just up the street from Haley's house. The colors were amazing. My pictures just don't do it justice. We found a spot for some good pictures but then it started to rain again and since my camera isn't waterproof I felt it best to hop back into the van. We had rain off and on for close to 2 hours of the trip back. Then lots of wind storms as far south as St. George. Anyhow, here's the few pictures I was able to take in the canyons.

On the way home, we made a stop in Vegas to visit my sister and brother-in-law and their doggie Kelso. We couldn't drive through Vegas twice and not stop at least once to visit. So Sunday was the day. We played with Kelso, visited with Sharla and Paul and went out to dinner with them.

Look at this gorgeous nephew doggy of mine. Kelso is a huge boy but thinks he's a lap dog.

Here he is playing with his "cheeky", one of his favorites that's as big as he is. And then playing tug-of-war with the girls with it....and winning I might add.

Laura, aunt Sharla, Katelyn and uncle Paul

Laura, aunt Sharla and Katelyn....with their blonde hair alot of times when we are with Sharla people think they are her kids and not mine

Overall the drive home was 11 1/2 hours. That's not counting the stop in Vegas. We didn't get home til midnight CA time. Girls did well on the drive home. Didn't need a potty break til St. George and then waited til Sharla's place, from there they fell asleep in the car and we had to wake them for a pit stop in Barstow, CA and they they lasted til we got home. Very different from the way up. They also did well in the car with no arguments. Pretty good considering we don't have a dvd player and t.v. for them to travel with and it was our first trip like this.

It was a tiring trip but a fun one and I'm glad we got to go. Maybe we'll get to do it again next year and stay a bit longer so we can visit more friends.