Totally 80s!

You know.....











You get where I'm going now....



So tonight, driving home from my sister-in-law's house we turn on the radio. Some local station is taking all 80s requests. Clark and I have the radio blaring, rocking out to all our faves from when we were teen-agers. I turn to him and say "Now I know why my dad always got excited when his 60s music came on the radio." And before he could say a word from the back seat, Laura.....you know...our verbal 3 yr old...and too smart for OUR own good child shouts:

"Sissy...they are listening to 80s music! Mommy and daddy are OLD! hahahahahahaha!"

Okay I admit we laughed at that too. I mean, what parent wouldn't laugh when their tot who knows nothing but Wiggles songs and Jesus Wants Me For a Sunbeam totally mocks them for listening to songs from 20 some odd years ago?! But I also admit that it made me feel a wee bit old after that.

So tonight I dedicate this post to all my

music loving friends and family


Long live the 80s!!!!!!

Decisions, Decisions

Life is all about making decisions.....what to eat, what to wear....what choice of medical treatment to take. Yeah you can see where this entry is going today.

Most family and friends don't know that I've dealt with crazy menstrual cycles since I first started them as a 10 yr old girl. Painful, long, heavy. I went through a time frame where they made me throw up. I also went through a time where the pain was so bad I could barely move for a day or two. And let's not forget the major hormonal imbalances that went untreated for years. Hormonal imbalances that caused major rage a week or two prior to each cycle.

As an adult, I get told if I just lost weight. Until recently doctors tell me that's the only reason......totally blowing me off that I've had these problems since I was younger and thinner. Yes the issues now might go away if I lost weight but don't tell me that's the only reason and refuse to treat me. So I finally have found some doctors that are looking at the whole picture.....that it's not "just the weight"....and are willing to treat me. This has its ups and downs as well. Here's why:

See currently I'm having periods where I'll start and bleed heavily for 4-6 weeks at a time. I may get 2 weeks off and then boom I'm on it again. And I'm having to wear a hospital sized pad (you know the onese they give you after you have a baby) to prevent leakage and I still have to be prepared with changes of clothes or a towel or blanket to sit on just in case. Yeah not fun, not fun at all.

So I'm fed up with this. I'm 36, going on 37 and have dealt with period issues since I was 10. I'm so through! I have 2 beautiful girls and I knew as soon as my second baby was placed in my arms at birth that our family was complete. Just wish my husband knew this too but he's realizing that in this case, it's my body and he really has no say in all this.......well til today.

Today I had a doctor appt. I needed to get test results from a vaginal ultrasound they did back in December. (yeah I procrastinate at times) All that showed that everything was fine and no fibroids or anything like that. No surprise there. I've been through that before. So next step discuss treatment.

Doctor wants to put me on birth control or an IUD. Birth control pills just make me gain weight and because I have had high blood pressure issues in the past they don't want to go that route. Neither do I. Another side effect for me is migraines and vomiting from even a low dosage. Like worse than my 9 months of all day sickness when I was pregnant. So they are pushing the IUD instead. Well I've done my homework on that. Nope, doesn't thrill me for quite a few reasons.

Another option is an endometrial ablation. I'm really pushing for that one. However, other doctors haven't been clear on why they won't even discuss it til the doctor I saw today (one good thing about having Kaiser Permanente is you can keep trying doctors til you find the one you like). She told me that though the chances of getting pregnant are slim after having the e.a., that it can happen and there are greater risks if you do get pregnant. So one needs to be using some form of birth control. Since pills are out of the question and I'm not keen on the IUD, that means either I need my tubes tied or Clark needs the big V-----vasectomy. Hmmmm.....wish I had known before I gave birth that our family was complete...I'd have had the doctor tie my tubes before they stitched me up after the c-section. So now I have to discuss all this with Clark. Should be interesting. LOL!

Let's see.....the ob/gyn also wants me to see my primary care doctor to discuss weight management and a gastric bypass. Says Kaiser covers it. I'm not to sure about doing that procedure. I mean my weight didn't come on over night. I know I'm not perfect in how I eat and I may never cook as healthy as some of my friends out there. But we try our best to provide decently balanced diet for our family. Portion control isn't too bad unless we eat out. So that isn't a huge issue. For me, it's sweets (I've got a huge sweet tooth, esp when it comes to chocolate), pepsi, and lack of exercise. I am doing better in the exercise dept, I have been walking Katelyn to school 3-5 days a week since September. I know I've lost some weight....was down 1 pant size last time I needed new ones. I do feel more energy and I don't get tired less than half-way down the street like I did the first few weeks. Well hot days are hard on me but I have never done well in the heat...not even as a young child. I combat that by bringing bottled water with me and I'm fine. My next step is drinking less pepsi. I'm going to get a jar. For every day that I crave a pepsi and DON'T go out and buy a 2 liter, I'll put the cost of it in the jar. That's about $2. When the jar is full I'll deposit it into our account and save it for something special. Not sure what yet. I think that will help me. I've never tried cutting back that way. Luckily I love water so drinking more won't be an issue. Sweet tooth....okay that'll be hard. I don't want to never say never. Maybe if I do the money thing there as well and only indulge for birthdays, holidays, special occasions then I'll be fine and it'll make it that much sweeter when I do wait. More exercise.....well if we can get the heavy bleeding stopped I can get back to water aerobics. I was losing weight that way and loving it too.

But I think I'll still discuss it all with the primary care doctor anyhow.

Oh yeah, the ob/gyn also wants to a endometrial biopsy. Last few times they've been unable to do one because of the pain involved for me when they try. And yes, that's even with taking motrin or advil before the appt. So this doctor is going one step further....she is having me take 3 motrin and 1 valium before the biopsy. I'll need Clark to drive me to and from that appt. People I got really high when they removed my wisdom teeth. I get loopy with drugs to numb me for my c-sections. I'll make sure Clark gets some pictures or video clips for your viewing pleasure when I take the valium for that appt. LOL!

And last but not least....I have blood work that needs doing. It's the time of year that I test for diabetes. I've tested annually since having Katelyn and my first round of gestational diabetes. So that's nothing new. Since I have to do that, the ob/gyn is having blood work ordered to check all my cholesterol levels and also my thyroid levels as well. I'll go ahead and do all that tomorrow and get it out of the way.

So that is all that is happening with me.

Tuesday Tidbits.....

It so sucks to have only 1 car for 2 drivers these days. Esp when one driver either isn't paying attention to when it's raining or just plain thinks that walking a block and half to the elementary school with a 3 yr old in tow is fun to do in the rain. Afterall, what's a little rain, right? Wrong!

I get the kids all bundled up. I get myself all bundled up. Get said 3 yr old in the stroller so she doesn't get too wet. Or so I hoped. Apparently the gutters and sidewalks in our area aren't too good with drainage. Some spots have ankle deep water. And then one house had a truck parked in the drivway blocking most of the sidewalk. I had no choice but to go around and into calf deep water. Oh yeah and there was a small opening for Katelyn to go through but she had her back pack on. I was getting ready to tell her to take the back pack off and toss it to me and then squeeze through the truck and motor home but she decided to run to fast through the calf deep water. Ugh! Oh well, she'll have to stay that way at school til it dries. It was like 4 houses from the school and I wasn't taking her all the way home to change.

Then we had to cross "the lake"! Okay so it's not really a lake. It's really a 4-way stop sign with cross-walks. But the cross-walks get totally flooded. I had Katelyn jump from curb to street where there was no lake. But I had to push the stroller through the lake. Yeah.....more calf deep water. Joy! Finally arrive at the school. Thank heavens for Charles. Charles is a grandparent who takes it upon himself to help direct traffic at the exit end of the parking lot each morning. He stops exiting cars when needed to let walkers cross safely. Well there is a street with corners but technically you can't cross there to get to the school because it's a driveway on the school side. But in the morning and 20 minutes before school lets out, it's not as busy so many parents (including myself in the afternoon) will cross there). In the morning I use the cross walk, easier with kids in tow. Well Charles saw how wet Laura and I were and knew that the cross-walk gets flooded and he says "Here, let me help." He stopped the cars so I could rush across the street where it's not flooded.

So I made it home without having too many flood spots. But still pretty wet. It wasn't pouring rain, but steady fall nonetheless. Get Laura and I in the houses. She suddenly screams. I turn her towards me thinking her jacket is choking her or something. Just as I have her facing me, she pukes all over me! Awww....the joys of parenting!

So now my little miss is sitting in one of the living room chairs with her favorite blanket and a bucket to catch the puke. She's looking rather sad. Just take a look for yourself. Love the fists....I think she's a little mad at daddy too for making us walk that block and a half in the rain. Looks like she wants to punch his lights out. LOL!

Cookie Sale Update and a Vent

Warning: This could get long. LOL! But hey it's my blog and if I want to vent here once in a while I can. So there! :P~~~~

First off Girl Scout cookie pre-sale update: Somehow we managed to sell 160 boxes! I'm truly shocked. We had a little here, a little there. No 50 people ordering like stories I've heard from friends whose husbands take theirs into work. But a little here, a little there added up to 160 boxes for us. Not bad for a first time seller who can't go door-to-door or sell in front of stores because she's only a Daisy. She's the #3 seller for her troop. The #2 seller sold 168 boxes. The #1 seller......well I'm shocked on this one. She hasn't been to meetings since October. Troop leaders haven't even been able to get through to the mom. And the mom makes sure she's there and says they want to help with pre-sales orders. But they only had 3 days to do it. And yet they managed to get 500 boxes sold. I want to know how the mom pulled that one off. Amazing!

And now my vent: Relatives! Siblings and their spouses to be exact! Okay I know not everyone has siblings and in-laws that annoy them. But me...I'm blessed with them it seems. Based on the past, I know that my brother and I will never be close. But he's always saying how he wants our kids to grow up knowing each other and yadda, yadda, yadda. We live like 5-10 minutes away from each other and we NEVER see them and rarely get a phone call. Yeah I could call them but I gave up on that a long time ago after I was yelled for even calling. It was a few years ago and I totally stopped talking or being at my parent's house at the same time for a couple years because of it. But we've mended fences over it.

What I draw the line on is when my kids' emotions are involved. I know my sister-in-law does not like me. I'm told it is because of the issues between my brother and I as children. Well guess what?! I'm not that same person! Oh I may get a angry once in a while, I'm an emotion person. But it's nothing like when I was an unstable child/teen ager. And my sister-in-law wasn't even part of the family back then so why in heavan's name does she hold that against me?! A family member told me once that sil doesn't trust me with her kids. Well interesting is that I'm not the one who pushed her child. Nope. She pushed mine when in her little thwarted mind she thought my toddler was going to attack her then 6 month old. Laura even said "Hug" and leaned over to hug her cousion and sil got up off the couch, jumping over her husband and shoved Laura out of the way to "save" her baby. I noticed Laura was falling backward...right into a table. So I had to catch her. She was upset and crying for a while. Another time the two cousins were playing perfectly fine side-by-side. Sil sits down in front of them, grabs a toy out of Laura's hand, gives it to her daughter, then tells Laura "Now, you need to share" when Laura grabbed the toy back. Well hello! What do you expect a toddler to do when you (the adult here) grabs a toy out of their hand that they were playing with first and hands it to another child. I wanted to say much more that day but instead I said "they were playing just fine til you sat down" and then I walked out of the room.

And I do have a 7 yr. old. She might be kind of a slow thinker, a slow learner. But Katelyn is NOT stupid. She sees things, she senses things. Often after a family gathering she'll say "Mommy why does aunt J ignore you?" or "Mommy why does aunt J give you mean looks?" She can sense that sil does not like me. I try and shield her from these things. She doesn't need to know the details right now. One day I'll tell her why uncle R and I aren't close. But not when she's 7. One day I'll tell her why aunt J doesn't like me. But not when she's 7. She's just too young. But when it concerns her I try and to be honest. Like when she wants certain family invited over for cake and ice cream on her birthday. She's a child, she loves all family unconditionally. She wants all the family who can come to be there. When she asks if she can invite aunt J, uncle R and cousin M....I have two options: one is telling her sure but they might not come and then have her ask why; the other is just sending the invite and have them totally ignore it and have her ask why they didn't come when they were sent the invite and if they couldn't come why they couldn't just call and wish her a happy birthday. And this has gone on for ages 5-7 now.

I try not to let the things toward me bother me. But when my child is hurt in the process then the mother bear in me comes out. This is one of those times. See when we started the cookie pre-sales and I was thinking of people we could sell to, I asked Katelyn for ideas. She said "uncle R and aunt J." Okay not a problem. So it was made known to R that we were selling and he called and said he'd be ordering. Because it concerned Katelyn, it was her cookie pre-sale, I let her know he said they'd order. Well 2 weeks has come and gone, the pre-sales were turned in, and guess what.....NO ORDER. When we had first talked it was because he was calling to thank me for a meal I brought over. Due to health of the kids and the stomach flu right around the time they had their second baby, I couldn't get over sooner. But I know from having had 2 c-sections of my own that the first couple of months after having the 2nd baby that any help is wonderful. So I made a dinner and brought it over, handed it to my sil with instructions and left. Nothing more, nothing less. (a side vent here.....R actually called my mom wanting to know why I did it, if there were strings attached...what is up with that?! I don't play games and it hurts me more than angers me that he would even think there were strings attached with it) So he calls and thanks me and says they'd love to order cookies but that the kids were sick. I said that was fine that I could e-mail mom and have her send the info about cookies and he could get back to me, via mom (since they don't want me knowing their info for some reason) with their order. So I did just that. And guess what........NOTHING!

And now I'm having to deal with answering my 7 yr old when she says "Why didn't uncle R and aunt J ever order cookies mommy?" All I can say is "sweetie I really don't know." But inside I am screaming..........

"Because they DON'T care! Because when it comes to our family they don't care who they hurt! Because I am your mother and they hate me and you get hurt indirectly because of this!"

I could go on and on. I'm tired of this crap, I really am. I try to just sit back and enjoy a visit when we all get together at mom and dad's house at the same time. But it's getting harder and harder to do so now that my kids are getting older. I'm tired of having to pretend that I'm not hurt by their actions towards me and my kids.

So if they happen to be reading this..........First, be an adult J! I've done NOTHING to you! I've tried being nice to you, to make you feel part of the family. I'm tired of getting cold stares, rudeness, etc from you. I'm tired of you treating my kids like the plague since you've had your own. I'm tired of you treating my parents like crap because they choose to place me (their oldest daughter) first over you. I'm tired of you making your family late when it comes to going to spend time with our parents and then excuses for leaving early each time. I'm tired of you inviting your friends over when it is family time, not friend time. You see A and her husband enough on your own time....don't bring them over on my parent's time, our FAMILY time! I'm tired of both you and R saying "oh we should get together so the kids can play" with Katelyn in ear shot. And then having to explain to her why you'll never come, never follow through. I'm tired of all your games. I'm through with the both of you. If I never see you again, that would be awesome because then my children will never have to be hurt by the two of you. It's one thing for me to be hurt over and over by the both of you. But you have crossed the line one last time with me when it comes to my children.

To all the rest of you.........sorry for the vent but it's been a long time coming.